DeeDee's Songs & Poetry

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2007-10-13T01:26:00.001-07:00

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Simply Complex

2007-08-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish for a life that's simple
to only have things around that matter
but life keeps moving faster
I'm in a tailspin of complexity
a life and time that doesn't belong to me
with a heart that bleeds to stop

An Empty Shell

2007-08-02T23:54:00.001-07:00

I've got nobody to blame;
I'm the fool who dug this hole
and got myself stuck inside
when I'll get out, who knows?

I keep pretending to be
someone I thought I could make myself into
I thought I would be happy by default
but I just feel insincere

I stare into the mirror
and I don't recognize me anymore
that girl staring back at me
is not the woman that I wanted to be
she's an empty shell no one has a use for

Give It All Away

2007-08-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

I wanna stay in the silence
the place where Your presence is found
I wanna hear what you have to say
You deserve my full attention
but I give it all away

the madness of my life
has me going out of my mind
and I don't know if I can make it through
disgusted with my own imperfection
forgetting to put all of my trust in You

I forget to remember
my life is not mine to live
my whole life belongs only to my Father
I can't do anything alone but fail
without Your help I shouldn't even bother

Jesus help me to live for You
to give up the reins and give up my control
I'll never be able to make it in this world all alone
I need you to be my ever-present light
be my guide on this journey to my eternal home

Missed Opportunities to Grow

2007-06-30T01:24:00.001-07:00

I used to see every event
as a lesson that I needed to learn
a time to grow
but now I'm feeling
numb
and the lessons I need
fly over my head
a moment wasted
and another thing to regret

Pointless

2007-04-27T23:16:00.000-07:00

Trying to figure out the details of life
is as pointless as trying to fly
God didn't give mankind wings
yet He gave us the gift of life
to live it for Him
holding His hand
and letting Him show us the way

Beyond Comprehension

2007-04-27T23:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we don't understand
why life is taken
why we have to grieve
sometimes things happen
that just can't be explained

but we take comfort
in that their pain is gone
even though we hurt
without them here with us

If Only

2007-04-27T23:10:00.000-07:00

If only I could give You all
If I could let go of my grip on this
maybe there would be freedom
and not all these chances missed

Moving on is not an option
in my own restless mind
I keep trying to search for
useless things I'm not going to find

If only I would let You rescue me again
let go of all my fears and stop playing pretend
perhaps I could be sane
and remember Your purpose and plan

Everything is Ok...

2007-04-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

If I knew the answer
don't you think I'd live like I've got it figured out
things wouldn't be so hard
I wouldn't put up my guard
and I could tell you what this life is all about

But deep inside I'm so tired
of putting up this front
that everything is OK
and I'm happy with everything and everyone
but deep inside you can see
I'm not who I want to be
and I know the only cure is one step away
so where is my faith?

I used to be the one
who fully practiced what I preached
now I hide
and I can't deny
that You feel so out of reach (to me)

Chorus

I'm just like you
broken and fallen
a mess that glue can't fix
but I can pretend
with the best of them
I know all the tricks
but I don't want to live this lie anymore
my walls are breaking down
everything is crashing to the floor
without You

Closet Shelf

2007-04-01T21:34:00.002-07:00

How long will it take me
until I finally open up my eyes
how many times do I have to fall
I never seem to get it
It's like I don't know You at all

Why do I insist on my way or the highway
when resistance is futile;
I'm not the one who makes the new day

I don't know why You still love me
even after all I've put You through
when my world doesn't revolve around You
and I only care about me and myself
while You sit on my closet shelf

Without Me

2007-04-01T21:34:00.001-07:00

I never felt like you were the one until you left me
I never thought that being without you would make me love you this deep
I didn't know the love I had until it flew away
Now I regret that I didn't try to fight to make you stay

How many times did you show
that you loved me and I just
turned around and walked away
How many times did I think
you were playin' around
when you said you wanted me to stay
I had it wrong
and now I feel so helpless
I let you go
you've moved on
without me

All of Me

2007-04-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

All of me, you want all of me
but am I willing to give myself to you
I can't let go of my control
and it keeps me from giving all of me to you

so I reject the freedom
that comes from letting go
and I choose instead
to take the hard road

Why don't I want to give everything
everything to you
why can't I let go of my grip
I feel myself starting to slip and fall
it's like I don't even know you at all

All I've ever done is make a mess of my life
all you've ever done is die for mankind
such a big sacrifice

No Room

2007-04-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

Take a second and look at yourself
it won't take that long for you to see
a reflection of someone that you never thought you'd be

You've been runnin' and searching for the truth
but what you're lookin' for is right in front of you

But you're too busy
don't have the time
too many other things to fill up your mind
you've drowned Him out
no room for Him here
You don't wanna change
You ain't got the time

If you will just seek then you will find
an open door you've left behind
inside is a man who's waiting with arms stretched open wide

But you keep runnin' and searching for the truth
but what you've been lookin' for is right in front of you

The Answer is in You

2007-04-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

I'm so caught up
tangled in a web of emotion
and feeling things I don't understand

I don't know why
I feel like I'm stuck inside
but I have hope in Your perfect plan

'cause I know
no matter what the outcome
I'll be alright

Chorus:

You hold the answers to the mysteries around me
You know the future and the present that surrounds me
it's true
the answer is in You

Sometimes I fall
I trip on all the clutter
and make a mess of all You've made right

no matter how I try
I'm not a perfect girl
I'll never live up to the expectations placed upon me

but I know
no matter my mistakes
I'll be OK

Chorus

Forgive Me Today

2006-09-07T20:56:00.000-07:00

I'm through with all this self rightous pity
where blame lies on everyone else but me
I'm done with the world crashing all around
it's time to put my feet back on the ground

I can't live this way
I'm tired of living in denial
I can't breathe this way
where I don't feel like Your child
I don't want to go one more moment
feeling like You're far away
so, please Lord, forgive me today

How Amazing

2006-05-06T22:57:00.000-07:00

How awesome is your presence
how awesome is your love for us
how amazing is everything you do

I cry out to you
when the darkness surrounds me
I cry to you
when the world is aglow
I cry to you
when theres nothing else I can do

How merciful was your sacrifice
how merciful was that highest price
how amazing is everything you do

How amazing is your love
how amazing is your strength
I'm in awe of all you do

You Stayed

2006-04-27T21:52:00.000-07:00

I was searchin' for a place
that I never had found before
I knew I would never be whole
unless I lived for something more

but I didn't know
what I needed inside
was something perfect and pure

and I didn't know
when I ran to hide
I was running away from the cure

You stayed with me
you set me free
now I can see
that the chains are gone
I'm not alone
I've found life
I can survive
because I've found you

life is so much better now
than it ever was before
now I have Your breath of life
I have need for nothing more

Now I really know
what real love really is
it's perfect and it's pure

Now I really know
I don't have to hide
because I have found the only cure

Something to Say to You

2006-04-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

How many times have you strayed into the darkness
trying to find a way out of the mess your in
not knowing where to turn for help
or how to see the light again

How many times have you been stubborn
insistent on doing things on your own
as if you can carry
a ten ton bag of stones alone

You think you are being so independent
when really you are drowning inside
but I can see through to the pain
that you think your facade can hide

What good is it to be strong by yourself
when you are just getting by
dragging along each day
too numb to cry

Is it fair to yourself to hide your heart
to guard yourself so much
that you can't even open up
enough to feel God's touch

Take Me

2006-04-11T23:52:00.000-07:00

Take me to Your hiding place
take me to Your grace
take me to Your holiness
I want to feel You in this place

'cause I'm feeling broken
I've fallen on my face
and all I can do
is turn to you
and ask you to
pick me up again

My Hope

2006-04-11T23:45:00.000-07:00

I've come so far, so far
I could jump for joy
You've been here, so near
all along this journey

And I
know You'll stay
and You will
be the same
and I will follow You
because You want me to
and I am Yours
oh, oh

Life's been so dark, so dark
for many a year
but You're the constant light
shining so bright

Lost on this road
and I was
carrying this load
it was the weight of the world
on my tiny shoulders
but You
You came along
and my burdens were gone
and all I can do
is thank You

Turned to the Wicked

2006-04-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

How can I feel so empty
when I'm supposed to be full of you
yet I lay here crying
not knowing what I should do

The farther I feel from you
the farther you drift away
losing the power of the words
that I always used to say

I've lost all my control
because I had to take control
instead of letting you drive

And all of this wrestling
has taken its toll
and I feel less and less alive

the fire is gone inside
and I know I need to seek shelter in you
but my own will prevails
and I keep saying I don't want to
even though I really do

Please, God, just take my will
rearrange my inner face
that has turned to the wicked
instead of your grace

Waiting Patiently

2006-03-15T22:07:00.000-08:00

I often times wonder exactly what your plan may be
What my future holds, and what You want from me
I don’t have the answers to the questions in my mind
But I have faith that through these trials
There’s a strength that I might find

So I wait and listen for the still small voice
The whisper that comes in the midst of all the noise

You have a plan for me
I don’t know what it is
Whatever I’m to be
I’m always to be His
And though the good times come and go
In You I’ll always know
That there is a way through
To everything that’s true

Where Do You Start?

2006-03-15T21:47:00.000-08:00

Where do you start when you can’t find the door?
Where do you go when you don’t know what you’re looking for?
Where do you begin
When all you see is the end
Of another day?

I’m not sure if I’m listning to You or me
Telling me who I’m to be
I don’t know if its Your guiding hand
I guess I just don’t understand
How you could choose me to be placed in front of the crowd

I feel so unworthy of this
So unsure of myself, so insecure
Knowing Your will for me
Fighting to keep from running away
From the battle inside my head

What am I to do, oh Lord?
Is it really me You want out there
Imperfect as I am?

I can never understand Your ways
I guess I have to trust You and obey
The things that you’d have for me to do.

It’s time for me to be brave
To put on my new face
And to begin this new calling
This new step of faith.

I know I have to do Your will
I know that sometimes I have to listen and be still
To hear the words you say to me
That I may do as You see.

Just guide me down this unknown path
For I can’t see yet where it leads.
Let me do what you ask of me
Protect me and fill all of my needs

Too Much

2006-03-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

bright lights
shine on my face
is it the light of forgiveness?
or the light of disgrace?

revelations
of things I've done
make me uncertain
if the battle is won

I don't know
if I can grasp this
A million things I feel
infinate things I've missed

I've done all this before
ten-thousand times over again
it's too much to understand
and not worth it to defend

who do I blame for this
does it belong to another?
ultimately it's mine
I must own it, and recover.

What Will I Leave Behind?

2006-03-07T21:57:00.000-08:00

When I've walked my final steps
and breathed my last
when my days on earth are gone
and my life is passed
will I have left behind a legacy
something for the future to see

what is my impact
did I change the world
did I make a difference
to one boy or girl

I hope that when
my days here are through
the Father says, "Well done!"
"My child, I love you."

Inside

2006-03-07T21:54:00.000-08:00

I keep this thing
locked in a chest
and it only comes out
on a sad occasion

I guard it well
never letting on it's there
making the outside beautiful
as the storm rages
within its walls

In the Dark

2006-02-20T22:25:00.000-08:00

My failures consume my mind
like a fire they make me blind
I can never be good enough
my best isn't best enough

where has all my hope gone
that faith that used to be so strong
I never thought I'd lose it all
and lose myself within the fall

I can't deny You're there
and I know You care
but why can't I feel it in my heart

I can't deny that You're there
and I know You care
but I'm alone
and we're drifting apart
I'm crying out in the dark

Stumble

2006-02-20T22:23:00.000-08:00

I stumbled today
and now I can't
find the words to say
I'm sorry
forgive me
can I be new again

Why do I stumble
Why do I fall
Why do I put myself thru this
stumbling, falling down

sometimes you've gotta fall
to hit your knees again
to breathe again
to ask for forgiveness
and go on again

Start

2006-02-20T22:18:00.000-08:00

Woke up this mornin'
to the same face I see everyday
look at my reflection
grab my bag and head on my way

sometimes I get so distracted
so ashamed by the way that I've acted
sometimes I wish I could start all over again

Chorus:
And start it out right
the way that I should
down on my knees with You
let you take flight here in my life
and be in control of me
starting on my knees

Woke up this mornin'
on the wrong side of the bed
still mad about the things
that my best friend did and said

sometimes I'm so quick to anger
can't believe I told her I hate her
sometimes I wish I could start all over again

Chorus

Why can't we stop
and just take a minute
and let God spend time with us
Why do we gotta be so wrapped up in ourselves?

Chorus

The Answer is in You

2006-02-20T22:11:00.000-08:00

I'm so caught up
tangled in a web of emotion
and feeling things I don't understand

I don't know why
I feel like I'm stuck inside
but I have hope in Your perfect plan

'cause I know
no matter what the outcome
I'll be alright

Chorus:
You hold the answers to the mysteries around me
You know the future and the present that surrounds me
it's true
the answer is in You

Sometimes I fall
I trip on all the clutter
and make a mess of all You've made right

no matter how I try
I'm not a perfect girl
I'll never live up to the expectations placed upon me

but I know
no matter my mistakes
I'll be OK

Chorus

Come Fill This Place

2006-02-20T22:06:00.000-08:00

Holy Spirit come and fill this place
may our hearts welcome You in
You are our lantern
let us walk in Your light again

You're the healing that makes us whole
You're the embrace that warms our heart
open our hearts to be filled with Your love
send us Your presence from above

Holy Spirit come and fill this place
may our hearts welcome You in
You are the oil for our lantern
let us walk in Your light again